Our Present: Living or Surviving?

Dwelling in the past can many times act as a shield that delays us from challenges, responsibilities, and commitment that our present feeds from.  Sheltering our  lamentations and dissatisfaction in the past can easily transform in a disengaged approach to our inconsistencies and fallacies, distancing us from change (the past moments will always feel better than our present!).
On the other hand, denying our past can cost our happiness and emotional health a high price. Not being able to make peace with hurtful background experiences will suffocate our choices at some point, without notice. Saving face to the past can easily make our biggest dreams panic. Past situations that have caused profound emotional wounds cannot be circumvented because they will subjugate the sense of meaning and purpose of our present.

But, how do we recognize ourselves denying our past or getting stuck in it from the need of embracing past open ends to complete ourselves? Psychologists Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks ask “what past stops do we need to experience to refresh our present?”

Whenever embarking in a new phase, I had always chosen to treasure the best memories and continue without looking back. This perspective helps to disconnect from nostalgia and overcome pain since it makes the backpack lighter to grip the present with full energy. However, during my trip to Argentina, I have discovered that open ends of the past with our loved moments and people need our attention to renew the vows with the guiding standards that have happily built our identities. Yet, how often do we leave them unattended?

Sometimes, closing the loose ends require profound conversations. Other times, those ends simply close with a loving look, a strong hug, a smooth pat, or a shared laughing. 

Meeting my eighty year old grandmother after 15 years, connecting back through fun and authentic dialogues with friends, and sharing the complicity of our stories with my sister put me in contact with values that refreshed and repositioned my search.  These moments have the capacity of reminding us how good it feels to live in connection with affection within a support system, to be in communication with our needs and profound desires, and to express freely within a framework of knowledge, tolerance, and understanding.Our state of inner harmony nurtures our positive state of freedom, and our inner taskmasters such as ego and fear fade away regenerating our capacity to feel alive.

Living from the past is a barrier against growth. Covering the past can sink our future in unhappiness.  Refreshing from the past let our present live more focused and healthier. Is our past letting us survive in the present? Or, is our past nurturing us to live complete?

“It takes a special kind of courage to face and deal with our past incompletions. Often these incompletions are the most significant barrier to expressing our full creativity in the present. Go on and hunt for any areas of incompletion, large or small, and you will not be disappointed. A burst of creativity will often follow the completion of some long left issue. Clearing up an incompletion gives you a feeling of aliveness that you can get nowhere else.” (Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks)

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