Hippolytus was a fine young man, handsome, strong and a great athlete, and Phaedra had strong romantic feelings for him. Hippolytus rejected Phaedra's advances. Phaedra fell hurt and asked Theseus, the great Athenian hero, for help. Theseus took revenge by using a curse, one of three which had been given to him by the god of the sea, Poseidon. Why, when we feel hurt, showing ourselves vulnerable is perceived as injurious? What defensive mechanisms do we call in our discourses to activate when we feel pain? Do those mechanisms really alleviate our feelings or create more damage?
Showing our feelings and desires can be detrimental to the image of the strong and infallible person that world finds attractive. Through language we give ourselves control over the vulnerabilities we do not want others to witness. So, to avoid rejection and uncomfortable situations that hurt our most treasured "psychological immune system" needs, we shape an image that connects with a protected notion of the self within a social construction, setting critical distance so as to shield from the risks of shame and to feed with the pleasures of ego. In consequence, we give freedom to the bad character inside us. This character can bully when something results against our desires, can ‘defend’ us against the anger of failure, and has the ability to make the other person disappear in response to our self-esteem. But, by building discourses out of stereotypical scenarios that respond to unreal feelings, narrow views, and unmindful connections, the other person turns into our scapegoat and we ditch in pain.
Undoubtedly, we do not happily transform ourselves and our connections in the battlefield. So, what roles would move us beyond in building genuine communication that reflects our real emotions and discovers the true other?
We can only move beyond and grow if we hack our rules of engagement and are able to show humanity instead of ineffability. Only through a mindful communication that recognizes our weaknesses and identifies our faults and deficiencies, we reach out and enrich from the value of being. Mindful communication is solely built through the capacity to choose to undress pride, fears, and ego to show ourselves clean of selfish mechanisms that can only trap us in unhappiness.
In interpersonal communication, the only possible connection is the human connection. What conscious or unconscious traps do we need to recognize in our communication to equip ourselves for happier choices?
Inés
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